you called and said you’re going to el torito for a birthday thing for a “girl” friend…it can be totally innocent but it gives me a sick feeling in my stomach…the first thing that comes to mind is…are you going on a date?  double date with H?? idk!!!  it doesn’t really feel good…. then the other side of me tries really hard to believe that it is just a dinner with friends for someone’s birthday….if you had earned my trust it wouldn’t be a big deal…but you’ve made it really clear that it’s really not something you care about…i just have to deal with it.

and it’s frustrating to me….

then you add the we’re only spending wed-fri together now today…when this weekend you said i could chose…and i chose fri-sun…then yesterday you made it seem like we were gonna spend our usual together and then you spring the new 3 days together…it’s frustrating because i work those days…i only get half days with you…i always look forward to my weekends with you…

thinking about that makes me frustrated because cause the suspicious side of me says are you contemplating spending the time based on how well your date goes tonight? what is it that you are trying to go do this weekend?  are is she giving you problems about not going out with her at night?  maybe you 2 only hang out during the days these days?  and you’re trying to prove to her how much she means to you? if that’s the case you should really just cut me loose…it’ll hurt but i should be your back burner…you’re definitely not my back burner…

right now my heart hurts a little cause el torito closes at 10 and you said you’re gonna call when you’re leaving….if you don’t or if you don’t have a good reason for calling late…then it will be really hard for me to believe what you are telling me…

ugh!  you really have no idea how you really affect me….and how hard this is for me…

hurting - gotta go.