i can’t exactly say it came as a surprise when you told me this morning that starting this week we can only spend a couple of days together…don’t get me wrong…it still hurt  but not a real surprise.  it’s not at all what i want but i guess i have to accept it because right now i want some time rather than no time.  but it makes me sad because it makes me feel like you already have someone else in mind to spend that time with. that digs into my heart or maybe you are trying to take it easy on me cause you’re slowly withdrawing instead of just pulling it all away…but if you’re trying to walk out, i think i’d rahter you just walk completely out or at least just tell me you don’t want me anymore and that you just want to be friends…at least in my head i know what it is and i can wrap my head around it.  trust me when i say of course it would all still hurt but i wouldn’t be wondering what it is we have or what you feel about me.

and i guess that’s the root of my craziness sometimes…it’s the fact that i feel like i show you all the time how i feel but yet i feel like i have to fight with you in order to make myself relevant in your life.  and the frustrating part is that, it shouldn’t be that way… and maybe to you it’s frustrating because you feel you’re giving me all that you can right now and it’s not good enough…maybe i want too much too soon….

i’m sorry for that…i guess we are on 2 different pages….

your calls are less and when we do talk it’s not for very long…and your texts are pretty much non-existant…yet you get text a lot when we’re together…

i’m sad, i don’t want to lose days with you…so i guess that means i will only get to spend 4 days out of the month with you… :o( But if this is what you want than i guess i have to accept it or there’s the door…right?  i don’t want to fight anymore..i don’t want to make you do something you don’t…