you’re making it very clear you don’t want this…you should just tell me…it’s totally ok…you are entitled to be happy and be where you want to be…if this isn’t it then tell me just don’t try to push me to the point where i do it…if there’s someone else…then go for it…just please tell me…
you honestly make me crazy…i don’t know when i’m coming or going…i want so badly to believe in you…but it’s hard when you don’t make it easy.
what would be better is if this isn’t where you want to be you should just tell me and i will set you free…as hard as it may be…i would get it…
you may say i could do the same thing…but the truth is…this is where i want to be…with you but i want you to be true to me as i am to you….
Another night I’m up & upset…and another night you’re asleep. Not a care in the world….I guess that alone should tell me how you really feel about me…I honestly believe there’s someone else in your life right now or you want the freedom to explore your options…if that’s the case….ok but tell me. Yes I’ll be hurt but I’ll get it. You’re young & you want to go and see the world…. you just need to tell me….
you called and said you’re going to el torito for a birthday thing for a “girl” friend…it can be totally innocent but it gives me a sick feeling in my stomach…the first thing that comes to mind is…are you going on a date? double date with H?? idk!!! it doesn’t really feel good…. then the other side of me tries really hard to believe that it is just a dinner with friends for someone’s birthday….if you had earned my trust it wouldn’t be a big deal…but you’ve made it really clear that it’s really not something you care about…i just have to deal with it.
and it’s frustrating to me….
then you add the we’re only spending wed-fri together now today…when this weekend you said i could chose…and i chose fri-sun…then yesterday you made it seem like we were gonna spend our usual together and then you spring the new 3 days together…it’s frustrating because i work those days…i only get half days with you…i always look forward to my weekends with you…
thinking about that makes me frustrated because cause the suspicious side of me says are you contemplating spending the time based on how well your date goes tonight? what is it that you are trying to go do this weekend? are is she giving you problems about not going out with her at night? maybe you 2 only hang out during the days these days? and you’re trying to prove to her how much she means to you? if that’s the case you should really just cut me loose…it’ll hurt but i should be your back burner…you’re definitely not my back burner…
right now my heart hurts a little cause el torito closes at 10 and you said you’re gonna call when you’re leaving….if you don’t or if you don’t have a good reason for calling late…then it will be really hard for me to believe what you are telling me…
ugh! you really have no idea how you really affect me….and how hard this is for me…
hurting - gotta go.
it’s incredible how you coming over can just make my day! i’m so happy that you came by!! i love watching you play with the girls!!! Thank you!!
i can’t exactly say it came as a surprise when you told me this morning that starting this week we can only spend a couple of days together…don’t get me wrong…it still hurt but not a real surprise. it’s not at all what i want but i guess i have to accept it because right now i want some time rather than no time. but it makes me sad because it makes me feel like you already have someone else in mind to spend that time with. that digs into my heart or maybe you are trying to take it easy on me cause you’re slowly withdrawing instead of just pulling it all away…but if you’re trying to walk out, i think i’d rahter you just walk completely out or at least just tell me you don’t want me anymore and that you just want to be friends…at least in my head i know what it is and i can wrap my head around it. trust me when i say of course it would all still hurt but i wouldn’t be wondering what it is we have or what you feel about me.
and i guess that’s the root of my craziness sometimes…it’s the fact that i feel like i show you all the time how i feel but yet i feel like i have to fight with you in order to make myself relevant in your life. and the frustrating part is that, it shouldn’t be that way… and maybe to you it’s frustrating because you feel you’re giving me all that you can right now and it’s not good enough…maybe i want too much too soon….
i’m sorry for that…i guess we are on 2 different pages….
your calls are less and when we do talk it’s not for very long…and your texts are pretty much non-existant…yet you get text a lot when we’re together…
i’m sad, i don’t want to lose days with you…so i guess that means i will only get to spend 4 days out of the month with you… :o( But if this is what you want than i guess i have to accept it or there’s the door…right? i don’t want to fight anymore..i don’t want to make you do something you don’t…
i think today it’s clear to me that i’m not the one…but why is it that i still want you. i know for me the best thing is to walk away from you…but for some reason i can’t walk out…i need you to end it. i tried giving you that the other day but you didn’t do it…or may be you did but you didn’t let me know about it. lol
you invited 3 girls out tonight…and you are the one that has told me guys and girls can’t be friends…someone always wants something more…so if you’re the one asking for more…then i’m taking it that you’re the one that wants more. and that is killing my heart right now!
honestly though, it would be so much easier for me if you would just let me go…if you want other girls than just cut me loose…you can’t or don’t want to give me what i’m looking for. and that’s ok but tell me that, i will let you go. and most of all i can respect you for it.
i want you to be happy and if that will make you happy so be it! by saying that in no means means i don’t love or want you in my life, i truly do but i also deserve to be loved completely and i don’t think you are willing to do that. i think it’s too much for you!
i’m so faithful to you…but i don’t know if i can say that about you…and the thought that you could have brought her back to our room bothers me as well. you tell me that it hasn’t happened but inside i know it has…just too many coincidences and unexplained things.
i should have walked earlier when i found that condom but i wanted to believe so bad that it wasn’t you….i want to be with you!
you really haven’t said you wanted to see me…and that makes me feel as though you have gotten your sex…you can never go more that 3-4 days…i can’t type any more…it hurts too much!!
it’s nice to know you can sleep while we fight and i can’t seem to do anything…but think and feel hurt…slowly you are just making me turn my love into nothing…you’re making me regret the love that i give to you…you think of no one but yourself. you want what you want…and do as you want without thinking about me…that’s what hurts the most…you always tell me to speak up but when i do you shove it right back me. it just kills me that you have little regard for me…i guess i should stat listening to that one quote i love so much!! you know about priorities…cause i am sure not one with you.
it’s weird no matter what i tell you these days i feel as though it tears us a part…i just told you something today about my past that is so very deep for me and it seems to have made you more distant from me…it hurts to feel as though you don’t believe me…and to hear you tell me that you are still open…that totally crushed me…but at the same time i’m glad you are honest…i can respect that. of course, it’s not what i want to hear but it’s the truth i can’t change how you feel…i wish i did or could but you are who you are and you feel what you want….all i want is a hug from you right now and i don’t think i’m going to get that. i actually feel like you are working your way away from me!
i don’t know…all i know is i feel like shit and numb!!
all i want right now is to feel your arms around me! ugh!!
